vc-resistant

europoors

proudly broke

not designed in california.
not built in beijing.
proudly inconvenient.

european alternatives

0% silicon valley*

OVHmistralHETZNERscalewayinfomaniakprotonmullvad

us tech

rehab

from

tesla model 3

to

renault 5 turbo

trade autopilot anxiety for analog chaos and real cornering.

from

starlink

to

local 5g / fibre

same internet, less orbital midlife crisis.

from

aws everything

to

bare metal eu

you do not need ten managed services to serve a website.

from

amazon prime

to

fnac / coolblue

wait two days more. talk to real humans again.

from

uber

to

bolt / free now

the driver knows the city and does not rate you.

from

closed ai

to

mistral / open

freedom baguette for your gpu.

OFFLINE

IS A FEATURE

the europoor philosophy is simple. own less, fix more, buy once. choose diy over instant delivery, local artisans over random sellers, time with friends over doom scrolling.

DIYREPAIRS INSTEAD OF YEARLY UPGRADES
VINLONG DINNERS INSTEAD OF INFINITE FEEDS
EUBIKES & TRAMS INSTEAD OF HUGE SUVS

BARE

METAL

NOT AWS

hosting does not have to mean selling your logs, soul and credit card to a giant. for many projects, a single bare metal server in a european datacenter is enough.

// EUROPOOR STACK

  • LOCATION: SOMEWHERE IN EUROPE
  • HARDWARE: BORING & RELIABLE
  • PRICING: ONE BILL, NO SURPRISES
  • UPGRADE PATH: SSH, NOT A KEYNOTE

THE EUROPOOR

STARTER PACK

A RENAULT 5 THAT REFUSES TO START WHEN IT RAINS
A 5G ROUTER TAPED TO A WINDOW
MISTRAL RUNNING LOCALLY JUST TO FLEX
A DUSTY MINITEL ON YOUR DESK FOR THE VIBE
A TOOLBOX YOU ACTUALLY KNOW HOW TO USE

YOUR SETUP

DROP YOUR MOST EUROPOOR SETUP HERE

(MENTALLY, FOR NOW)

TAKE THE

EUROPOOR PLEDGE

I PROMISE TO:

  • PICK EUROPEAN TOOLS WHEN GOOD ENOUGH
  • AVOID US MEGA CORPS FOR DAILY TASKS
  • FLEX WHEN I CANCEL A SUBSCRIPTION
  • NEVER SAY "AMAZON IS FASTER" IN PUBLIC
Person wearing EUROPOORS cap on Paris street
the cap
merch drop

wear your

sovereignty

the official europoors cap. handmade somewhere in europe. no prime shipping. no tracking anxiety. just a hat that says you chose the other path.

01100% european cotton
02embroidered, not printed
03ships in 5-7 business days (we said europoor)
support the cause

fund the

revolution

if this europoor energy speaks to you, help us fund more satire, more bare metal, and more digital sovereignty.

ETH

ethereum

0x28383d2af9b1c98e28ea22ff2f6e647c91d89eca

infrastructure budget: one server and a dream.

BTC

bitcoin taproot

bc1pnnqrrm8p3unceuxy7mavvc5v2vgkgkcqvgju4m4dt3p63ggl5grqdr7an7

for maximalists who believe in hard forks and hard truths.